The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
