Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
