I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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