i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
