his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
