just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
