i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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