dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
