Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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