every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
