It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
