Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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