it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
