evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's blow job season.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
