so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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