Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
