The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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