I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
