OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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