why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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