Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
