well most of my day revolves around power hour
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
