She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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