I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
