So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
