I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
