i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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