Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I could fuck to npr.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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