Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
