It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
