I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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