If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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