Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
