I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
