Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
