I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
