New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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