just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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