I'm so fucking centered right now
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
