The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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