I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
