You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
