yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
