Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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