I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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