Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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