My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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