rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
