Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
