Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
