After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
