He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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