I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
