I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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