dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize