I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
