Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
