Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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