nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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