The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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