No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
