So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
