how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
