he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We left the knife in your bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
