he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
