Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
