Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
