U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
