my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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