so explain again why im purple
no
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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