But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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