And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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