the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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