If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
