he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
