Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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